Germans live to work!
Most Germans live a very pre-programmed life: It starts with school, then education in form of an apprenticeship and/or a study. And the rest of work life one will work endless hours to build a career, build a house, pay taxes, save into the retirement plan, and think of all the things one wants to do after one will be retired. This was pretty much us.
Canadians (and most other people not German) work to live!
At one point we asked ourselves, is this it? Are we going to continue slaving away until we can’t no more? We wanted something new, exciting, exhilarating. So, that’s why we left for Canada. We built up a new life, and it worked well. Living abroad for us meant dealing in a foreign language in our everyday life. We learned something new every day, it was challenging but in a good way and full of enriching experiences. And Canada was good to us. Not only were we successful professionally, but we also managed to make wonderful new friends and felt integrated into society. And we lived greatly! All was going well. So, why change this perfectly good life?
Homesick!
Eight years is a long time. For Sonja Canada was home, the mountain view and the ocean breeze alone would simply make her feel glad to be alive. But Roland was feeling increasingly discontent. Frustration was sneaking up upon the homesickness affected. Suddenly he increasingly started noticing negative things happening around (the annoying neighbour, the traffic, the weather... the list became endless). He became unable to appreciate and enjoy the beauty anymore, and ended up making a mountain out of every molehill. He felt lonely and alienated, and started suffering from depressions. It was contagious, and also began affecting our relationship. Hence, the only cure for homesickness was actually returning home to Germany.
A Stranger at Home
The irony of it is, that while Roland was instantly happy to be home again, Sonja had started feeling disengaged, irritated and depressed for a long while until finally realization, re-adjustment and adaptation kicked in. (well, she’s actually still working on it...)
In the first months of our return we both felt out of place. We reconnected with friends and family but everything previously familiar seemed to feel different, not because they had changed, but our experiences had changed us more than we thought. We had gone through a roller coaster of feelings. Similar to the process of grieving we went through sadness of leaving Canada, to anger over the friggin’ German bureaucracy, to acceptance through the familiar faces around, and having a regular work life again.
As a repatriate one has to be prepared that friends and family might not care much about how you feel upon your return. Some of them might not even have overcome why you left the country and your safe jobs in the first place. They will just be glad to have you back in their unchanged reality.
Naturally, we sought other traveling folks who we could relate to (the internet is the perfect tool for such). It is however not always beneficial to exchange experiences with other repatriates as it might fuel unwanted Fernweh (the yen to travel), or Wanderlust as the English speaking world puts it. But talking to people who will likely understand provides an helpful outlet.
Culture without the shock
Exploring the local culture, architecture and history certainly helps a lot. Well, there is this, and there is our motorcycling and scootering, too. The roads are great and the Black Forest offers a pretty scenery, plus is geographically a perfect spot to re-visit some of our most favourite countries such as France, or Italy, and discover some new territory in Eastern Europe. We have also made plans to rediscover the four corners of our native country. Germany has a coast, too, you know.
We are going to make the most out of it, that is until the travel bug bites again, and if hard enough, might catapult us in a completely different world again. It’s not over. Not for a long time! Life is good!
We are going to make the most out of it, that is until the travel bug bites again, and if hard enough, might catapult us in a completely different world again. It’s not over. Not for a long time! Life is good!
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| Sonja & Roland - December 2013 |
Germany has a lot of beautiful places to go. And every Canadian (or better North American) ist jealous about the short distances to all the differnt countries in Europe. We loved to travel to Denmark, Hungary and Czech Republic. Prague and Budapest are my most loved cities. There is so much history, you never can find over here. So that's a huge advantage :-). I'm sure, you'll make the best out of your stay and (re)adjusting will need its time. Same like moving to Canada and got adjusted to all the little things one couldn't believe (or didn't know) before. Take care and lots of greetings from sunny Metro Vancouver.
ReplyDeleteYou have a point, Yvonne. And we have the best of both worlds. For now content exploring Europe once more, and if that's not enough there is… the rest of the world waiting to be discovered. But Canada will always have this special place in my heart.
DeleteWell if you ever feel the need to repatriate Canadian style, come live on the Island!!!
ReplyDeleteDar, if we had ever made it to the island in the first place, I doubt that we had ever thought about leaving again. It's a paradise.
DeleteInteresting post. Quite a lot of thought here if one takes the time to really read it.
ReplyDeleteApart from the finances to make BIG moves like you have, I feel very much what you are saying. As short a time as I have been in Madison I feel as if I have known many of these people for years. I expect this will be the case when I move again as I tend to engage people immediately. I'm not worrying this next move if I will call it home. I'm at that point where wherever I hang my hat, is home. I also know I may get stuck someplace next time and that would make me dislike it very much.
I have been like Roland many times. It's always about something else and that's usually a comfort issue- whatever it is that brings that deep comfort.
Martha, similar to you, I also feel home where I hang my hat but not everybody is like that, or can be. One has to respect that.
DeleteNo regrets!
ReplyDeleteNever!
DeleteI must admit that your description of Germans (Live to Work) sounds a whole lot like I was raised.
ReplyDeleteInteresting history, thanks for sharing...
It is ok to work hard, but one should also be allowed to play (hard), and that is something that we have not been good at in the past. Now we know better how to manage our work-life balance.
DeleteThank you for the insight into the moves to and from Canada.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to pack up and leave everything you know and move to another country. We did it 13 years ago, lucky we speak American fluently.
Sometimes we pine for the days living in Canada and miss some things, but the USA has afforded us a chance to get ahead in life, own our own home,etc that we couldn't have done with the economy in BC.
Even though we love Oregon, we still get homesick and still think about moving somewhere else every once in a while, good thing we are too lazy or we'd already be somewhere else.
As long as you are happy - home is where you are together. To me that is all that matters - the togetherness.
Brandy, I am still waiting for that point of "laziness" as you put it. Still itchy feet, it drives Roland nuts, but we are in it together.
DeleteLive to work, achieve all you can, you can rest when you're dead....sound familiar? Let's say the Chinese aren't known (the ones I grew up around anyways) as "let it all hang out" kind of people. Hopefully its just winter blues, think of all the traveling opportunities available to you and Roland....once you manage to escape work of course.
ReplyDeleteDom, we will not allow work to take over and dictate our lives ever again. We'd rather quit! But work life balance hasn't been too bad for now. We have had some days that are longer than others but we also got early times off (which will be important com spring and summer time…).
DeleteGood post. I have heard similar stories from friends who repatriated back to the UK, stayed a while, and are now back in Canada. As similar as many cultures may be, there are always going to be differences - some are easy to handle, others not so much. So enjoy your time exploring Europe, getting reacquainted with friends and loved ones, and wait for that travel bug to hit again.
ReplyDeleteCanajun, I have also heard of repatriates who returned after a while. It happens. But we want to give new life over here a good chance, before we move again. There is so much to do, so many things to see...
DeleteSonja:
ReplyDeleteI can relate . . . Things can never be what they were or how you remember them. Also you are experiencing new cultures different from how you were brought up. Some good, some not so good. We all crave for what we perceived as "better" times but also times change from where we came from so you have to live the moment and be happy where you are, where ever that is.
Also when you are experiencing the best times of your lives you know that it cannot continue, even though you wished it would never end and even if you return to Canada it will never be what you dreamed it would and you cannot always bring back the past. Our pasts only exist in dreams and how we wished it would be . . . not exactly how we remembered them or how it actually was. Most of us have "selective" memories
You are lucky to have been able to experience more than others, experience different cultures and travel to far away places but you still have each other and that is all that matters.
wishing only the best for you and Roland
bob
Riding the Wet Coast
Bob, truer words were never spoken, thank you. One tends to glorify "the good times" and forget that life can be good in the moment as well. I am so glad and thankful for all the wonderful memories and awesome people I have met, and those memories will be with me for the rest of my life.
DeleteGreat post Magers'! Change ... Comfort ..... Home. So much here, lots for me to personally noodle over. I've felt and continue to feel these things as well as I'm sure that most of us have; good things to push and pull us.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I like the expression of 'good things pushing and pulling us'.
DeleteAwesome post! I am almost certain we would feel the same way if we ever moved back to Germany or anywhere else in the world. But always remember ... home is where your heart is and as other people said before most important is the two of you being together, everything else will fall in place wherever that place might be. Consider yourselves lucky to have so many options!
ReplyDeleteThanks Bianka, we are indeed glad that we have options in various directions. Should you ever consider repatriating to Germany… it won't be easy. That we know for sure now ;-)
DeleteVery good article! I felt very much like you spoke about myself, although we don't know each other. Specially the part about family and friends not caring why people leave or why they return! For a long time I wished for a "Selbsthilfegruppe" (support group) to discuss such issues nobody seems to understand!
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the "live to work" part, I don't agree. This very much depends on who you work for - German company or international company with clients form around the world. If you feel like you are still not happy here, change something. That is the best advice I have for you. Sometimes several moves within Germany make the difference - I know what I am talking about :) And please visit Rügen! That acutally helps a lot :)
Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. Obviously we have worked for employers that took the "live to work" part very literally, and didn't give us much of a life in the past. But of course it was part of building a career…
DeleteThere is a difference between working for a German medium sized company with limited international footprint and global multicultural companies. Well, things are always in flux, we won't be stuck here, and Germany has a lot of other nice places to offer.
By the way we have Rügen and the Baltic Sea already on our radar for this year :-)
I love this article!
ReplyDeleteFor a while I was thinking that we would be the only family - one would have huge issues and the other one is doing just fine. But I would find out eventually that there are actually more families with the same problem, and some separated.
I still wonder why so many people seem to have such a hard time talking about it. Is it because we / they feel embarrassed? Or do we feel like a loser?
Too many times I've heard other Germans say that I didn't try hard enough and I always wondered how would they know? And how come that it's up to them to decide how hard I have to try...
At the end of the day I learned where home is, and sometimes it's just this damn city where you were living your whole life.
Thank you for commenting albeit anonymous. There are indeed tendencies of moving closer to where we came from, however we have different roots. While Roland was born in NRW, my origin is from the North (of Germany). Well, it's too early to settle down, and we look forward to exploring Germany and surrounding countries before we might end up where we came from...
DeleteSonja,
ReplyDeleteSusan and I are very different.
Her family came to Canada seeking a new life like so many others. Her brother and her parents eventually moved on to Florida shortly after we married. If their Canadian roots were shallow, mine are deep. Most of my family can trace their roots back for generations in Quebec.
Susan's family left Quebec in the late 1970's when the politics of nationalism and sovereignty took over.
We stayed in Quebec and raised our family here.
Perhaps we should have left.
I certainly want to leave now. The policies of this place, at this time, are repugnant to me. I am ashamed of, and offended by, the petty, insular and xenophobic aspects of Québécois culture.
Susan and I encouraged our three children to leave, and they have. And we miss them.
I love Montreal. I love the place. I hate the politics. We will pay a very real price for the politics here, in terms of dollars lost in real estate value. I now yearn to leave.
I think that's what makes the big difference between émigrés, and expats. When 'home' becomes intolerable it ceases to be home. The heart severs its ties and sets you free.
Otherwise, anything less than intolerance for the motherland, leaves you with more or less strong ties, like elastics for some, bungee cords for others, unbreakable bonds for some. There are even some people for whom the bond is so strong that they never travel abroad.
When I finally leave Quebec, and I will leave, I will feel set free. I will miss the place, I will miss the family we have here, I will miss our friends here, but most of the ties will be severed. We will return of course, to visit, but Montreal will cease to be home.
The strongest ties are family ties. Most of our family is in Florida, or Toronto. That is where our ties are now, and that is where we want to be.
In Quebec there is an expression, "la vie de tous les jours". In English it translates to 'everyday life'. There is more to the expression though. It means one's life, and has a connotation, at least for me, of a comfortable routine. Travel is the opposite of "la vie de tous les jours". We all need to decide, if only for the short term, where, and more importantly how, to live our daily lives. It's much more than a place on the planet. When the choices we make of where and how to live are good ones, life is not a grind or a chore, it's a blessing.
I think too few of us live that way. I remain hopeful that Susan and I will find our happy place once more.
I wish the same for you and Roland.
David
DeleteThank you very much for your very interesting and frank contribution to this discussion. Your feelings for Montreal match exactly our feelings for Vancouver: we still love the place, we dearly miss the ocean, but politics and people were not our cup of tea...
We actually thought that Montreal could be a a place for us to live if we ever returned to Canada, but after reading your thoughts we might have to reconsider this. Thanks a lot for the insight!
David, somehow I feel doors closing for me. In Vancouver friends have moved on, and the company I had worked for (and planned on returning eventually) has meanwhile changed its organization and leadership.
DeleteThere was always a special ring to Montreal, a city that I would have loved to live in one day, but your frank words are too important to be disregarded. I appreciate your comment.
Maybe the decision to return to Germany wasn't all bad. We have many more things to reconsider now. Definitely food for thoughts.